Do It.

APRIL FOOLS. I SENT THIS TO MY PARENTS. WIN.Je regrette de vous informer que nous avons été en contact avec vos Universités pendant les deux semaines que nous avons vous donné des cours supplémentaires dans le bureau d’APA. Comme vous devriez savoir bien, nous avons eu quelques problèmes avec les heures et les distributions de crédit avec vos propres universités. Pour les étudiants de Michigan et Wisconsin, tout va bien dès qu’aujourd’hui, mais il faut rattraper deux heures supplémentaire pour chaque cours pourtant que vous aviez les heures qu’il fallait en accord avec vos universités. Alors, pour les étudiants d’Indiana, la situation est devenu plus grave. Votre Université ne laisse pas d’espace libre pour remonter des heures. Il faut que vous ayez 30 heures de cours pour se compter comme « full time student ». Je vous écris pour que dire que c’est impossible pour nous de vous donner écrise des heures pour ça. Donc, dès que maintenant, il faut que nous vous remettiez dans la FAC pour le reste du semestre en accordance avec les cours que nous avons créées pour vous. Pourtant que ça est arrivé, je suis désolée à dire que vous n’avez de ne chois que de rester jusqu’à la fin (25) août.

Ok, just to make sure you all understand : Michigan and Wisconson have given us some leadway on how many hours we have to require of the students in AIX ; however, Indiana is relentless. We have to make sure you get at least 30 hours of class for each class, so we have to require you to take the courses offered at the FAC as well as our supplement in order for you to recieve any credit. Because the FAC is locked down until the end of April, this will require you stay in AIX until the 25th of August. I’m verry sorry, but we have no choise in the matter. Please stop by the bureau as soon as possible to discuss your class options and express any concerns to me. I will be in the office until 19h00 this week rather than 17h00. Bon Courage, We’ll get this worked out. Merci,Kelly Conway

Totally, like, whatever.

Totally like whatever, you know?In case you hadn't noticed,it has somehow become uncoolto sound like you know what you're talking about?Or believe strongly in what you're saying?Invisible question marks and parenthetical (you know?)'shave been attaching themselves to the ends of our sentences?Even when those sentences aren't, like, questions? You know?Declarative sentences -- so-calledbecause they used to, like, DECLARE things to be trueas opposed to other things which were, like, not -have been infected by a totally hipand tragically cool interrogative tone? You know?Like, don't think I'm uncool just because I've noticed this;this is just like the word on the street, you know?It's like what I've heard?I have nothing personally invested in my own opinions, okay?I'm just inviting you to join me in my uncertainty?What has happened to our conviction?Where are the limbs out on which we once walked?Have they been, like, chopped downwith the rest of the rain forest?Or do we have, like, nothing to say?Has society become so, like, totally...I mean absolutely... You know?That we've just gotten to the point where it's just, like...whatever!And so actually our disarticulation... nessis just a clever sort of... thingto disguise the fact that we've becomethe most aggressively inarticulate generationto come along since...you know, a long, long time ago!I entreat you, I implore you, I exhort you,I challenge you: To speak with conviction.To say what you believe in a manner that bespeaksthe determination with which you believe it.Because contrary to the wisdom of the bumper sticker,it is not enough these days to simply QUESTION AUTHORITY.You have to speak with it, too.© Taylor Mali 2005